I feel very sad. When I look at bouquet of rose and flower given from a guy to girl.
I often questions myself why I never receive bouquet of rose or flower from other. Even my boyfriend or husband never give to me.
Is I not pretty enough .... I feel hurt and even regret to having the relationship like that...
If I still don't hv boyfriend or husband maybe I still can keep my hope I will hv a romantic and wonderful boyfriend or husband.
Now all my dreams hv been destroyed. I feel disappointed and everything I feel stress and even feel want to kill myself bcs of my stupid decision making myself suffer...
Time to time is passing. I need to keep encourage myself be better and keep independent.
I hv thinking myself alrd in an unstable emotion. Now I alrd hard to take care and hv stable emotions and life, I dont want hv baby...I don't want make baby feel sad or I feel more suffer....if I can't open my mind maybe I will killing myself and even hurt the baby being in the unstable emotional. I should keep myself stay in positive and avoid all the unhappy.
Avoid to meet my husband, before or everything we meet, I will wish or hope from him bring a wonderful day for me. When we meet more usually both of us will end with disappointment. My heart being hurt and hurt again and again...something I really don't know what I should do. Everything I hope and wish to meet him, but evrything also end of unhappiness.
Maybe he hv try his best alrd, I can't alway blame him. I just can blame myself of making this choices. I just hv chance to meet a better one... I know it maybe will not happen, but this is one of the reason I stay a life bcs I still hope and believe I will having better life and spouse.
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